The Parchment 4-Feb-01: The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Christian Women

Steven Covey wrote a book in 1989 that became the number one international best seller. The title of his book was The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.

A few verses written by the apostle Paul in Titus 2:4-5 could easily be called The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Christian Women. He writes that older women should be “teachers of that which is good; that they may train the young women” to develop the following seven habits:

1. Love their husbands. It may seem odd to the Christian that Paul would need to say this; however, we have only to look at the world in which we live to discover how desperately this instruction is needed. The word for love in this passage “more nearly represents tender affection,” according to Vine. Terms of endearment such as beloved or dear help to convey the idea here.

Many of us use such terms when we are first dating or married. My wife was my “precious one”. What about now? Do you show your mate tender affection? So many problems as well as sin could be eliminated if love was a habit.

2. Love their children. Solomon said in Psalm 127:3-5 that “children are a gift from the Lord. The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth. How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them." Sadly, in our time many view children as nothing more than a necessary result of intimacy with a partner. That statement may seem harsh, but consider how many children are not nurtured in the admonition of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4). Many are taken to daycare where a “village” raises them. Meanwhile, the parent(s) spend their energies on the material pursuits of this world. The children are picked up promptly on time so as to avoid any penalty fee. One hamburger and fries later, they are tucked into bed with a quick kiss and a rather meaningless “I love you.”

It seems rather hard to love someone whom you are never around and don’t really even know them. What’s your child’s favorite game to play with you? Do you spend special time with just you and each child alone? Children are more than arrows in a quiver. They are real human beings who desperately need to experience the love of their parents. That mean attention and time – a lifetime!

Many believe they show their love by being there for the big moments like the sporting event, recital, or graduation. Yet it is rather in the daily, less pronounced moments that children experience the love of their parents.

Some women seem incapable of loving their children. They never show affection or hug their children. Perhaps they, too, have not had the example to know how to love. This instruction of Paul is desperately needed in our time.

3. To be sober minded. The idea here is that women should be self-restrained, discreet, sensible, having all their faculties under control. This is a requirement of all Christians, but the words here are penned specifically for younger women. The world’s view of women is anything but self-restrained. A better word for the world view would be self-indulged. We are bombarded with this world view. How refreshing to know Christian women who demonstrate in their lives what it means to be sober-minded.

4. Chaste. The same Greek word used here is found in 2 Corinthians 11:2, where Paul writes, “for I am jealous for you with a godly jealousy; for I betrothed you to one husband, so that to Christ I might present you as a pure virgin.” The verse in Titus requires younger women to be sexually pure. Women desiring to be chased will frequent night clubs, bars, and concerts. Women desiring to be chaste will not.

5. Workers at home. This verse does not say that women cannot work outside the home, but it does require women to be keepers at home or guardians of the home. One cannot be a keeper at home if they are never home. My wife and I decided long before our first child that she would be a worker at home. While we may have done without a few things, we have never regretted this decision. We are often told of the good behavior of our children. I can only say that their behavior is not by accident.

6. Kind. Does this word describe you? Are you good? Women, like men, can be anything but good. Notice how kindness contrasts sharply with the deeds of the flesh that Paul lists in Galatians 5: Immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, disputes, dissentions, factions, envying, and carousing.

7. Being in subjection to their own husband. So many women reject this idea of subjection. Yet we all have been given roles and responsibilities that require us to submit to authority when that authority has been granted by God (Romans 13:1, Titus 3:1). Children are to obey their parents (Ephesians 6:1). And yes “wives are to be subject to their own husbands, as to the Lord” (Ephesians 6:22).

This last “habit” cannot be dismissed any more than the first six. Many men forsake their role as the head of the house, and just as many women have decided they “wear the pants.” In fact, this expression has become a rather common joke. In truth, it is no laughing matter. A woman who desires to be an effective Christian will be in subjection to her husband.

In conclusion, it is important to note that while these seven habits were directed at younger women, they would be taught by the example of older women (Titus 2:3). Younger women will not learn to develop these life habits by just being told them. They need to see the example of all seven being demonstrated by older women in their lives. They need to study the Biblical examples of women who exhibited these qualities. Older women need to realize that they have been given a tremendous responsibility in Titus 2:3-5. Look out for the younger women and encourage them to have these habits in their lives.